Memphis Y'all: Two Months Midsouth

Update: Stella Strip Club?

July 20, 2010
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The day I posted about my trip to Stella, the coastal club and lounge announced on their Facebook page they would be closing for business for the next six weeks to complete renovations.

Before I ever stepped through those rhinestone encrusted doors, I heard a rumor-rumor from my coworker that Stella was built to be a strip club but was unable to open as such because of its proximity to nearby schools.

Now, decide on your own what you believe, but have you noticed just how lovely those stick ladies look up on the balcony? After Stella closed I had the opportunity to chat with a Stella employee (or former employee for now I suppose). This person said that rumor amongst the staff is that the club is closing to make changes that would make it a better strip club. She also said that the staff has not been told whether or not it is true, but she did say that the staff has been told that the columns/second story you can see in the picture are not structurally sound to hold ladies, er, people.

The Facebook page neither confirms or denies the dancing claims. Memphis Daily News said on June 15 that the club has filed a few building permits, including on to add an additional parking lot to the space.


Five Ways to Look Fantastic Naked

June 19, 2010
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No one seems to be able to keep their AC working. It’s hotter than ever in Memphis. We’re young. We’re fun. Why not go topless? Why not go bottomless? Why not just go naked? Maybe it’s been a while since you’ve checked beneath the circus big-top to see what your fine hills and valleys are looking like, with these tips you’ll be ready to go au natural like you being paid for it.

1) Paint yourself black. It’s slimming. Consider taking one from nature: zebra stripes, Dalmatian spots, Holstein cow patches.

2) Flattering furniture. When your recliner is two-stories tall you look tiny. Utilize a wide screen television, a wide load truck and an overstuffed love-sac to lounge upon.

3) Let your body hair grow. Not only may you be able to cover you unmentionables with your luscious locks, your hairy situation will carry eyes away from your less toned tummy, arms or buttocks area.

4) Get an offensive tattoo. Try “I **** your ex” or “**** is a real jerk” or “I was Clinton’s first wife.” As long as people are looking at your trashy tat you’re looking good. Hey girl, take a walk on the wild side. Don’t forget that you can tattoo your junk, which is good because if you need to hide it you can put it in the trunk.

5) Pepper spray in the eyes. When you feel like your brain is on fire everyone looks good.

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