Memphis Y'all: Two Months Midsouth

Bachelorette Should Give TN Man, Ty Brown, a Rose | June 15, 2010

1)      He can sing. Ali dear, there is nothing better than a man who can sing you a country song about paying the bills. Just be careful, rumor has it that he’s using you to jump-start his singing career to pay them bills. Be careful that he doesn’t “Oops, I did it again” you and drop you like a hot potato when the next money-making opportunity comes along.

2)      He’s got big arms. Sweetheart, you know you’ll be towing your car when you get into a Memphis-style wreck. If you plan on moving to his hometown, Nashville, you’re going to need a man who can do some heavy lifting—like lifting you up to hail the tow truck down the road. Now isn’t that sweet.

3)      You can dress him. By the looks of his press pics Ty will need some new clothes. Bless his heart, his everyday-wear is in shreds. Just looks at those torn off shirt sleeves and the holes in his trousers. Can’t even imagine what his Sunday suit looks like. You know his Mom raised him better than that.

4)      His ex-wife isn’t in jail. Enough said. Just make sure she’s really gone. Rumor has it she’ll show up at the end of the season as the new Bachelorette.

5)      He’s got a real southern accent. Ali dear, I saw you wearing those faux cowgirl boots. Girls from California or wherever the heavens you are from need to give up the gig. Once you marry my man Ty and move to his farm you’ll earn some good-home southern street credit. Now why don’t you settle down with a heaping spoonful of pimento cheese and sit a spell. I’m sure his momma can cook up a storm. So go ahead and book your hometown visit, you need some meat on those bones and bring your boots.

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